Someone’s Here: Our Own Personal Poltergeist


When we saw the home seven years ago, it was everything we needed and held the potential for everything we wanted in a home in which we planned to stay for the duration: great floor plan, lived mostly on one level, tall ceilings and enough common and separate spaces for my husband and I to enjoy life as a fairly newly-wed couple. The real estate agent who sold us the place was the daughter-in-law of the former owner who, coincidentally, had died on the premises. By California law, Realtors must disclose this information within three years of it happening — just in case it affects the decision of a potential buyer. Sure enough, the buyer before us for the home terminated his interest the moment he found out. We loved the home enough to proceed, however because for my husband and I, none of this scared us.

We had experienced the loss of all our parents by this point, having lost the last one just a few months before moving in. Death was just part of the equation in our minds, and the fact that someone’s life ended in this home was not a concern. Truth is, it fascinates me to hear about unsettled spirits – poor souls who just can’t seem to move on to another plane after leaving their bodies. None of the more credible “haunting” stories I’ve heard resulted in anything more than a bit of a scare, and in many cases, people living in homes where things go bump in the night (or daytime) just live with the phenomenon of someone else hanging around.

Such is the case with a lady I will call “Hilda”, since that is the name of the woman who met her demise from a fall in the master bedroom and was evidently not discovered until it was too late. The house had been adapted in many places for a wheelchair, with handles in the master shower, lots of wide corridors and enough room to maneuver the chair around the kitchen area and Hilda had evidently gotten around pretty well under the circumstances.

Hilda began making her presence known just a few months after we moved in. A door at the other end of the house from where I was sitting opened and slammed shut. No one else was home, no windows were open and there seemed to be no provocation for this happening. It happened a few more times, prompting me to tell my husband about it, after which we decided it was Hilda just saying hello.

The most unlikely events occurred with electronics, however. On more than three occasions, either our TV or audio has turned on for no reason after both had clearly been switched off by one of us.

It happened again this morning. I had gone into the kitchen/family room area to feed the dog and let him out, as usual, and all was quiet. Heading to my office to get a jump on the day I clicked into my favorite social media web sites and checked email. Then I heard what sounded like TV dialogue. Poking my head into the master, where my husband still slept, I found all was quiet. Then I revisited the family room and, sure enough, the TV audio had been switched on. Unlike the scenes in movies, where none of the remote controls stop the transmission, however, ours always works.

Was Hilda trying to get the morning news? Nah. I think she was just messin’ with us again. So I switched it off, looked around, said, “Oh hi, Hilda!” and went about my day. Who knows? Maybe the old girl sticks around because she knows she isn’t all that unwelcome. But I hope she finds her way someday, because we aren’t going anywhere any time soon.

Shaking Things Up at Home – In a Good Way

Forget business for a while. What do you come home to? Lately I have been questioning convention when it comes to how I live in my own home. Precipitated by a recent remodel of our 20-year old kitchen, the domino effect that ensued from having one part of the house updated while the rest hadn’t been altered had me scrutinizing every room of my house to see just what I could do differently.


1950s parents were taught that there were rules that applied to each room in a house with a certain domestic behavior attached to maintaining them. My mid-century modern mom made sure you could bounce nickels off tightly-made beds and messes were put away every day, making a home perpetually ready to receive guests. It was a systematic and nearly complete brainwashing of American women at the time, and it played into the Mad Men economic era beautifully, with every ad touting “modern efficiency” to make life easier on domestic engineers so they wouldn’t think about how bored they were and try to take jobs held by men. Do any of you have a mom who used to say it was important to be prepared just in case someone “dropped by” – ? I can’t imagine the stress that caused in her generation. It was akin to being told the reason you wore clean underwear was in case you got into a car accident and were taken to the hospital.

I suppose it was not surprising when my peers and I rebelled following an act like that – working hard for an extra paycheck so they could hire housekeepers, placing pool tables in formal living rooms, yanking closets out of bedrooms to arrange home offices and rubberizing garage spaces to create home gyms. Kitchens became multi-station prep areas so that all members of the family could get in on the meal-making, realizing that if they didn’t learn how to throw a salad together once in a while they may starve if they had to wait for a working Mom to do it. Say all you want about bygone eras; I like today just fine.

A few domestic about-faces with which I have come to terms include the realization that decorative bathroom towel bars with frou-frou display rags are totally useless despite how model home decorators make them look. Towels are not art. Art is art. So I have been systematically taking them down and replacing them with wall art, display shelves or nothing at all. Now towels are where they belong — in cabinets or hanging on hooks. They’re frickin’ TOWELS.

When we remodeled our kitchen, we eliminated the casual kitchen table and chairs in favor of a huge kitchen island people can now sit around on bar stools. Since we routinely failed miserably at extricating guests or family members from the kitchen anyway, we just gave up on it. Now when guests arrive they drink and snack along with us as we approach that magical time when we usher them into a room we call lovingly call the “dining room” that gets used for even the least formal of occasions.

We have one soaking vessel in a hall bath and no, it’s not Cleopatra’s answer to a day on the Nile in a fancy barge, but why do we need more than one tub? Neither of us are bathers. So our plan is to replace the huge master bedroom “garden tub” (which I dust regularly) with a bigger walk-in rain shower where we can pretend we are in a rainforest standing naked before tropical birds. Those of you shaking your heads over how taking this step may de-value our home should think again. Opinions (and appraisals) have changed dramatically on this issue.

I decided that a guest room should have no other purpose than for visitors to feel as if they were in a fancy hotel. It does not double as a hobby room, office or crafts haven. I made ours elegant, placed robes in the closet, offer hanging and drawer space to them and even stocked the guest bath with Q-tips and makeup remover. I realize not everyone has this luxury of space and it took me a while to defrag that room, but I felt I had to create the kind of refuge I would love to have when I am a guest in someone else’s home. Fortunately, I have a few friends who had provided good prototypes for this. Okay, so I still do have to go in there and “tidy up” right before visitors arrive. Hmmm. I guess there is still a 1950s mom in me somewhere. To keep myself honest, I make sure we invite overnight guests or otherwise on a regular basis because it forces me to finally clean the place up. NOT my mother’s daughter, I’m afraid.

In the end, however, your home must serve you, and not some image you were taught to put forth. Millennials, in particular, have dispensed with all things formal in a home, looking instead for usable, practical areas. So it seems we have something to learn from them, just as our parents did from us. It’s not a bad idea to reassess your domestic spaces and decide just how much you’re willing to put up with within the most intimate spaces you’ll ever know. You just might begin to love where you live all over again.

The Story of BFFs: Of Shopping and Chick-Bonding

You see it all over Facebook: those special trips where ladies get together, drink, chat, shop and feel so great when it’s over that they can’t help but post photos of their good times together?

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This past weekend was one of those times it just felt good to be alive and with my BFF. Having planned this trip months ago, my bestie and I took one of our signature shopping trips to San Jose’s Santana Row as well as Palo Alto’s Stanford Mall. It began with my picking her up outside her husband’s law firm and cruising and chatting all the way to San Francisco’s South Bay from the Sacramento Valley.

The story of the two of us began 20 years ago. Putting in “parent participation hours” at our daughters’ parochial school found us scrubbing student desks next to one another, starved for conversation while performing grunt work to keep our children’s tuition at its lowest level. Ana Maria’s accent fascinated me as I heard her musical voice begin to make small talk. Her background was both Spanish and Venezuelan, but her elegance made her international. From that first meeting, fate took its course and we began seeing one another at other events on behalf of the school as well as planning outings with our spouses-at-the-time, who seemed to get along as well.

When Ana told me in confidence that she did not picture herself married to her husband forever, I questioned it. My own unhappy marriage did not stop me from trying to bolster whatever little fondness she may have retained for her partner, but within a few years, she called to tell me she had moved into an apartment. My husband tried to discourage me from exposing myself to her unhappiness and listening to her reasons for fear it would only highlight our own marital dysfunction, but I refused to abandon my friendship with her when she needed it most.

In the end, my ex’s fears became realized. Seeing Ana begin to relax and spread her wings after maintaining an image of happiness for so long began to give me the strength I needed to confront serious marital issues that had chipped away at me for years. A few years later, Ana Maria became my refuge, offering me sisterhood as well as a place to stay when I left my husband of 20 years. She listened to me, offered her shoulder to cry on, reasoned with me and never judged. Before long I moved 100 miles away from her — back to my beloved Bay Area with my nearly-grown daughter and a freedom I thought I would never have again.

As we both gained a new sense of ourselves and the world around us, we watched the other blossom. Shopping trips in both the Sacramento and the Bay Areas were eclipsed only by even more fun ones in Las Vegas or San Diego or Phoenix – when one of us was traveling on business and the other flew in to share a company-paid hotel room for a few days. We followed our noses from happy hours and free hors d’oeuvres to marathon window-shopping trips while crying happy tears of liberation and laughing our heads off. And we never looked back, celebrating having found amazing new life partners and crying and dancing at one another’s weddings.

Shopping together brings out the best in us and this past weekend was no exception. We saw clothes we knew would look great on the other and offered reasoning to purchase things we knew we would never find again. While Ana Maria is excruciatingly thoughtful before she makes a purchase, I am the impulse buyer, justifying things I convince myself I cannot live without. And whether it’s getting make-up applied by eager department store cosmetics experts, delighting over delicious salads and great glasses of wine or bouncing on luxurious hotel beds after a long day of serious shopping, we come out of it refreshed and feeling like 30 year olds.

By the time we cram our packages into the back of my car for the trip home, we are new women, marveling over how a single overnight can work magic on our well-being. And as we fall into our waiting husbands’ eager arms, we thank them for understanding how desperately we needed this time together.

Life is about moments and these are among our best.

Vacation 2014: When Writing Becomes a True Labor of Love

This voyage includes a week spent with our choral group in Barcelona, followed by a week in Paris and another five days in London. I hope you will take the journey and re-live this with me. I loved writing every word….

Remains of the Day: Botched Departure Can’t Dampen Placer Pops Chorale Members’ Enthusiasm

Ola! More than two years in the planning, the day for boarding a plane for Placer Pops Chorale’s concert tour to Barcelona has finally arrived. Thirty eight people that include chorale members and their spouses, friends and fans came not only from the Sacramento area, but also flew in from the Northwest, Florida and the Midwest to gather for what promises to be a fun week of performing, sightseeing, musical fellowship, soaking in Spanish culture, enjoying Mediterranean sunshine and basking in the traditions of one of the most beautiful cities in Europe.

Arriving at SFO at various times of the morning of July 12th, we receive baggage identifiers from our tour company representative and dutifully proceed to check in and then shimmy through security, shedding shoes, laptops, jewelry and outerwear to feel a sigh of relief on the other side, where all that is left is to wait to board an enormous 747 bound to Paris, where we will connect to our final destination.

As the group gathers in the International Terminal’s downstair A9 boarding area, we greet one another with hugs, introductions, laughter and anticipation. We are told at check-in that our flight, which was to leave at 4 pm, is now delayed for an hour due to a technical issue, and that regular updates will be afforded us as we get closer to departure time. Those announcements come and with each briefing, our flight gets pushed later and later into the afternoon. Meal and drink vouchers are handed out to what is now a hoard of nearly 500 passengers and finally, at around 6:30 pm, the captain — surrounded by airport police — comes to the boarding podium to inform everyone in the gate area that our flight has been cancelled. We are to retrieve our checked luggage and go back to the terminal’s ticket counter for further instructions.

By then, our tour representative is long gone, so choral director Lorin Miller takes charge with Air France, insisting they provide us with accommodations for the night. Soon, we board shuttle buses to an airport-close hotel. Most of us go to our rooms, and either fall on our beds and hunker down for the night or hang out at hotel bar that remains open until midnight.

As Saturday morning greets us, we look for word of what time our flight will be. No phone calls or texts have been received and no instructions given as members of the group began gathering within the hotel lobby’s breakfast area. Indignant we are not getting answers nor help from those responsible for our tour, several of us wield cell phones to get things figured out with the tour company and Air France to re-book passage, painstakingly retrieving reservation locator numbers for each member of the group. Faced with the prospect of having the group split up onto two separate trans-Atlantic flights, emotions begin to swell as some of the less experienced travelers do not want to be separated from the group.

Springing into action, Lorin Miller and several other chorale members begin doing damage control and within several hours, manage to get the entire group on one plane for at least the longer portion of the trip. By the time we arrive in Barcelona by way of Amsterdam, apart from a few pieces of delayed luggage, things begin to improve. Martin, our multi-lingual Barcelona host, greets us outside the secure airport baggage area and escorts us to a beautiful bus to take us to our hotel in the downtown area, close to Placa Catalunya, the metro, restaurants and shopping. We already sense a lot of tapas, sangria and paella in our futures…




Sleep-deprived travelers finally arrive at their rooms in two groups from two different Amsterdam flights, no doubt ready to begin their adventure. On tap for tomorrow: our first choral rehearsal at the music conservatory and a Barcelona city tour, both rescheduled due to the day we lost in San Francisco.

Day Two: Placer Pops’ First Full Day in “Bar-theh-lona”

Following what seems like a week spent on moving sidewalks, shuttle buses to hotels, and interminable plane rides, the travelers in our group were warned not to sleep the moment we reach our hotel rooms. “Stay awake until what might a normal bed time in Spain,” we were told at our pre-departure briefing. “Then you’ll get over jet lag much more quickly.”

So by the time afternoon rolls around a plan is in effect, prompted by director Lorin Miller’s invitation to go en masse to a nearby tapas (small plates) restaurant for dinner. Once there, those of us who are experiencing serial yawns put on our social hats and begin getting to know others we have not yet met, all the while drinking sangria and sharing paella dishes. By 9:30 (just about the time most Barcelona locals are THINKING about dinner), we all head back to our rooms to descend like timber onto beds in a drug-like state.

The morning finds us in the hotel’s breakfast room, a place containing an impressive array of fruit, pastries, hot food on demand and breakfast conversation to usher in our first full day in a city of which we had only had fleeting glances on our trip from the airport. The morning promises our first full rehearsal for the following day’s open-air evening concert in the town of Gelida. Our host ushers us off a bus to a beautifully designed music conservatory, where we descend steps to a theater-seating style classroom to go through our repertoire, discuss staging and try prepare ourselves for our upcoming performance. As usual, we feel we will never be quite ready to pull off a decent show, but it is times like these that determine the amount of study we need to accomplish in order to look and sound confident on stage.

By 3:30 we are on the bus for our first city tour, marveling as Mar, our tour guide, elaborates on the city’s architecture and style. We pass shuttered, wrought iron-railed balconies gracing elegant Barcelona residences, elegant retail stores, huge avenues and stately town squares.







Arriving at a park whose elevation affords us views of most of the city, its ports and its ancient quarters, iPhone cameras click and travelers bunch up for their first group photos set against a blue Catalan sky, suspended gondolas, green grass and swaying palm trees. Following our lofty drive, we visit the aged but ornate and beautifully preserved cathedral of Santa Cruz in the old city corridor, following our guide in duck-like fashion as she carries an object she called a “lollipop” so we would always know where to go. Our tour company host flanks the rear of the group, helping those of us caught behind on city corners catch up with her. We stroll through passenger alley-ways and pass stores we swear we will revisit as we dodge drivers whose speeds my husband swears fit one of three categories: “stop, go, or kill the tourists.”

Placa Catalunya’s magnificent fountain is surrounded by an expansive slice city of real estate, today glinting in the midday sun as we spill off the bus onto the Ramblas, Barcelona’s spectacular world-renown avenue lined with trees and bustling with commerce and fast-moving shoppers. Many of us make mental notes of where we want to revisit when left on our own over the next few days. This half-walking, half-riding tour gives us a taste of what to expect the rest of our week here, only whetting appetites for more.

By far the most impressive stop on the four-hour tour, however, is the last one: Antonia Gaudi’s never-finished and oft-controversial church dedicated to the Sagrada Familia (holy family). This is a personally significant sight for both my friend Kay and me, who were last in Barcelona as college students in the 1970s, when the church was a crazily ornate study in modern religious art that appeared to have no real final design in mind. Not yet fully enclosed at that point, we never forgot our mixed reaction to its then “plein air” architecture. Today, however, changes all that. Still incomplete, the edifice has easily quadrupled in size since then, but now boasts an incredibly interesting yet ornate modern design that includes stained glass soaring to the heavens, elaborately designed dual spiral staircases and so many delights to the eye that I swear you could sit inside the church for an entire day and not notice all the details. You just can’t beat the Catholics for the lengths they go to honor Christianity.

Having walked the eight city blocks to and from our bus to gain access to this sight, we board our tour bus for the last time on our first full day’s round of activities. Arriving back at our hotel, some of us make beelines for their rooms for rest and others don’t have to wander far to find local eateries for more sampling of local cuisine as well as some alcohol to enhance the self-pinching we were all doing when we think of how we still have the rest of the week to enjoy this world-class city.

Tomorrow will include a tour of the Palau de Musica, some free time and by late afternoon, a trip just outside the city to participate in a music festival in the city of Gelida.

The Barcelona Experience Days 3 & 4: Choral Groups (Especially Ours) RULE!

The past two days have been amazing, and although as the “official” blogger of the group I may have my own opinions and prejudices, I feel certain no one here would disagree with me in my assessments.

Before I launch into a diatribe of the events, however, suffice it to say that this 38-member group has bonded in a way that brings broader and broader smiles to all our faces. Apart from the trials and tribulations of a rocky start to the concert tour due to airline musical chairs (and a few pieces of delayed luggage), I think we can honestly say that serendipity began to take over the moment we arrived. Our ACFEA host has been attentive and informative, our hotel has been established as an upscale home-away-from home that is so well-located that not a single taxi has been used to see the city’s most famous sights. And the weather, while noticeably more humid than we are used to in northern California, has been as perfect as we could hope for.

Yesterday began with a tour of the Palau de Musica Catalan. Located just 4 blocks from our hotel, this performance venue was originally built with choral singing in mind, meant to showcase Barcelona’s choral traditions beginning with the Orfeo Catala, an amateur group founded in 1891. Opened in 1908, this magnificent theater is known for its modernist architecture, its musical and social events and its pristine condition. In 1990, the Orfeo-Catala-Palau de la Musica Foundation was formed to encourage musical culture through the search for material resource for the institution’s choral groups and the organization of concerts in the Palau that provide it with prestige and international recognition for the musical life of Barcelona.

Each year the concert stage and its newly-built lower-level alternate stage see more than half a million people attend approximately 300 concerts, now encompassing much more than choral groups to include dance, orchestral performances, and all types of musical offerings. The theater itself is a delight to the eyes with mosaic-encrusted columns, meaningful and whimsical statuary, and the recognition of the world’s greatest musical composers, all featured in various artistic mediums within the structure itself. Ornate does not adequately describe what Placer Pops singers and their tag-alongs experience as we walk through the Palau. Archways in the Moorish tradition, colored glass everywhere, colorful columns, marble stairways and skylights permitting natural light to flood the theater itself are a delight to the eyes as we catch a view of the stage from the upper levels. Here, we are informed by our tour guide that a performance venue that looks as if it can accommodate no more than 1,000 people does, in reality, seat more than double that number.

Some of the world’s most notable performers are showcased in a 15-minute video as our group is escorted into the theater’s chamber group venue/rehearsal hall, located just below the stage itself and in exact dimensions and shape to it as well. Musical giants such as Zubin Mehta, Andrés Segovia, Pablo Casals, Arthur Rubinstein, Yehudi Menuhin, and Montserrat Caballé, among others, have performed here and some describe their thoughts of performing at the Palau during the video. We all walk away with a new appreciation of how Barcelona and the Catalan people are HUGE fans of choral traditions, setting the stage for an interesting evening to come — the evening of the first of our two Spanish performances.





By late afternoon we are to bring our concert attire with us as we board our motor coach to take the half-hour drive to Gelida, a small town nestled in the hills overlooking Barcelona. Here, we see town bulletin boards graced with a poster-photo of our group portrayed in its full 70+ member size. In reality, however, only 16 representatives will be singing, prompting us to explain why the group is so small, hoping they will understand the entire group could not make the trip.

As we arrive in the quaint town, due to the narrow streets and a dirt road that access the castle-ruins-laden performance site, singers and musicians are asked to disembark our larger motor coach to take smaller shuttle buses while non-singers are left to discover the town and return with us later — but not before being told that since there are no restrooms at our venue, we should make a pit stop before going up the hill. It makes us more than a bit curious about the venue…

We arrive in the heat of the day, walking up ramps to a small, rocky, but picturesque performance venue with a small stage against a backdrop of an ancient semi-circular castle wall. A grand piano arrives the same time we do, painstakingly put into place by a crew of men. Sound and light technicians are setting the stage and director Lorin Miller surveys the area to get a sense of how he will stage our musical offerings.

Steady Spanish winds blow sheet music off music stands as Angel Contreras prepares to accompany us on French horn, and pianist Pattiey Leftridge asks for just the right piano angle to see Lorin and the singers in a single glance. Columns of perspiration roll down our backs and glint off foreheads as we are asked to arrange ourselves on stage to rehearse several numbers and before long, microphone levels, speaker monitors and physical positions are set. Time to go back down the hill to get a quick dinner (much later than originally anticipated) before returning to change into our performance clothing. Speaking of changing, we are led to a small, cave-like room under the hill where we are to perform. The stone walls are dusty and there is no light inside as we drop our performance outfits there to claim after dinner. At this point we are wondering how such a primitive performance venue can attract an audience as Lorin speaks of what is to come as a “great adventure.” We smile and nod, hoping for the best.

To speed up dinner time, we are taken to a local place and quickly served a prix fixe repast, The waitresses are hospitable and very efficient in trying to get the meals to us, and we gobble our meals down quickly, paying on the way out. Once back up the hill we revisit the now-lit cave-changing room and dress quickly. Several of us greet people who have walked up the hill or taken shuttles to see us as they arrive, saying “ola” and “grah-thee-as” (using Catalan pronunciation) as we are impressed to see a crowd beginning to gather.

Soon we are lined up and ready to climb the stage as our male singers grab female hands up a rickety set of temporary stairs. As we line up, the audience — perhaps 120 people or so — applauds us continuously. This show of appreciation is not something we are accustomed to, but we are thrilled nonetheless. Now that it is dark (10 pm) the castle wall backdrop is awash with artistically alternating colored lights as Barcelona twinkles below. Suddenly just being there is a treat and all thoughts of the Spartan performance venue and ancient changing room have been replaced with excitement at the idea of singing for people who went to so much trouble to set this all up to hear us that evening.

Lorin Miller and Terrie Jaramillo form a tag-team duo introducing our songs in both English and Spanish, entertaining the audience with their well-meaning descriptions while audience members help them pronounce words. The rest of us chuckle behind them. Then Lorin turns around and begins conducting us as we sing The Boy From New York City, a song made famous by The Manhattan Transfer. Our “ooo-wah-oo-wah-ooh-wa-didees” were received with a rousing applause and whoops, making us surmise few American groups traveling here on tour offer anything but a classical program for these jazz-and-pop-loving Spaniards. As the concert continues with a diverse selection of songs, the crowd shows marked appreciation, encouraging our encore of New York New York and clapping in time to it. We mingle with several audience members for a while and by nearly midnight, we are ready to grab our belongings and roll back to Barcelona, exhausted but grateful for the experience.



The next morning (Thursday) is a much-anticipated tour of Montserrat, the famous Catholic shrine and monastery nestled into the dramatic rock formations that loom large along Barcelona’s southern reaches. Joseph, our tour guide, is a wonderful story teller, explaining the history of the area and explaining how 90 or so modern day scholar-monks now live on the mountain. The monastery also houses a school for boys that specializes in musical and choral instruction to help traditions of the Catalan people endure. The site was breathtaking and included a museum, the basilica with its huge pipe organ and world famous black Madonna, several funiculars to take visitors to the top of the rocks, and a collection of stores and restaurants to satisfy the tourist in us all.

A snapshot of the interior of our return bus ride would reveal many of us napping, depleted by the heat and exercise after nearly a full day on the mountain. Arriving back at our hotel, we disperse to find food or rest awhile before about half the group emerges from the hotel around 8 pm to walk to the Palau for an evening Flamenco performance. Strewn along the sidewalk as we stroll back to our hotel afterward, we talk of the operatic as well as ethnic singing we had just witnessed, accompanied by skilled guitar-playing and athletic feats-of-the feet performed by the dancers. But most of all, we speak in almost hushed tones at the idea of having attended a show at the incredible Palau de Musica Catalan, surely a newly realized bucket list event for many of us…

Apart from our second concert on Friday, our time is now our own, ending with a group dinner at the hotel on Saturday night.

Placer Pops Chorale and Barcelona: The Recipe for a Great Choral Tour

The fact that the writer of these blogs is wide awake at 5:40 am in no way means she stayed up all night to see members of our group depart the hotel at the ungodly hour for the Barcelona airport this morning. It simply means she committed the atrocity of having drunk a cup of delicious Spanish coffee at the evening’s farewell dinner before thinking nothing would deter her from sleep. But if my travel buddies wanted to color this as sympathetic insomnia, I wouldn’t mind at all …

The last few days here in this beautiful city included a well-received, well attended concert given in the seaside-close village of Pals on the magnificent Costa Brava. The setting of the venue was (again) stunning, with our backdrop being a very old stone structure. After arriving there on our bus,we did our usual mini-rehearsal and then disbanded to find dinner on our own, meeting back at the venue to do a last-minute sound check. By 10 pm, the start of the concert saw most of the audience chairs occupied, but our audience also consisted of diners at a restaurant near the audience area, people sitting on surrounding walls and passers-by who joined us after hearing us begin the singing. We all agreed it was a lovely presentation and picturesque place for our second and final concert.

That day as well as our last day in Barcelona were full of free time. We traveled alone, in pairs and in small herds as we used our time to soak in the Catalan ambience and beauty after a fulfilling week together. Activities among us included cable-car-in-the-sky rides, boat rides, visits to the Picasso Museum, strolls through the world famous Gaudi-designed Guell Park, shopping and souvenir collecting, walking all over the old city corridor, and taking funicular rides to nearby mountain tops. One group member went to Girona with a friend who lived in Barcelona to tour what was once one of Spain’s largest Jewish quarters to learn about the historical influence and accomplishments of her ethnic group in this part of Europe.

Reflecting back on our time here, we seemed to be in agreement that the success of this experience in the more technical sense can be credited to a number of things: a well-arranged week of touring, concerts and activities by our tour company, a great host that stayed at the hotel with us the entire time (yes, he even accompanied the 3 am group to the airport), the hotel, which was luxurious by both European and American standards with its blue marble bathrooms and sumptuous breakfast buffets each day, and most notably, staying in one place the entire time so that we did not have to pack and unpack bags or climb on and off buses too often.







None of that, however, reflects the success of the trip as well as the company we kept. Among us were couples ranging in age from their 20s to their 70s (the 20-something couple was actually on their honeymoon!), single and unaccompanied travelers who bonded after hearing life stories and cementing new friendships forged through travel and common experiences, and, of course, the music: that universal language that binds us and keeps our minds sharp and engaged.

As we sit at long dining tables in the hotel’s restaurant for our farewell dinner, we talk excitedly of our time here, exchange email addresses and telephone numbers and even speak of where the group might go in a few years. A European riverboat cruise? A stay in Florence? Who knows? In the end, any trip can be fun when you love being together and singing together. Toward the end of the evening, hugs are the order of the day. Places some of us are heading include Paris, Madrid, Bucharest, Amsterdam, Vienna, and Rome, while the rest of the group are looking forward to getting home.

We hope you have enjoyed our Barcelona blogs and encourage you to get friends and family to “like” our Placer Pops Facebook page, since it has become a vehicle to not only entertain and inform you on our activities, but also serves to help augment our audience sizes — especially our newest audiences in the Folsom/El Dorado Hills area serving the Harris Center performances we began holding a few years ago.

Our thanks go to the organizers of this trip as well as the friends and family who tagged along to make our group large enough to make this happen. We love you all.

The remainder of this post covers the continuing adventures of Dena and George Kouremetis, having parted with our group to take the train to Paris, and after a week there, on to London.

First Full Day In Paris

After getting settled in our charming studio apartment just steps away from the Bastille monument/roundabout, we walk to my daughter’s temporary digs in the Marais along the Avenue des Filles du Calvaire, where we get caught up with news of our trips-to-date, order pizza and begin ruminating on where we could go with a 4 lb. poodle in tow. Much of Paris is extremely pet-friendly (restaurants, stores, etc.), but museums and some other tourist attractions make it verboten to stash a pet under an arm.

My daughter spoils us with “Uber” rides (cars and drivers that can be called in lieu of taxis in many major cities these days) as we set out for Montmartre to see the beautiful Sacre Coeur basilica by early afternoon. We are deposited onto a heavily-infested tourist street nearby. The area instantly reminds me of the Plaka area of Athens, but in this case, vendors boast cheap trinkets mostly made in China with “I’m in Paris” logos plastered in polyester. My memories of Paris of the ‘70s contain only cheap portrait painters and questionable book sellers in this location, so I guess not much has changed except for what they sell. However, we are able to drown our reactions in some gelato, so our spirits improve.




On our way down the hill trying to avoid tourist hoards, we walk in the direction of the Eiffel Tower. Before we arrive, however, we learn that Sophia’s thumb-typing prowess has procured a reservation on a “Bateau Mouche” — a riverboat that feeds you an elegant dinner as you glide down the Seine and witness activity along the quay and its berges — that place where lovers wave, the Eiffel Tower glistens in a sea of twinkly lights and people dance Tango on raised platforms. Another bucket list item soon gets checked off my list and we arrive back at our little place ready to check emails, write blogs and pass out once again.

Today will be spent trying out our museum passes while braving the Paris Metro.

It has been awhile. Still pinching myself.

Day 3 in Paris: Getting Around on Our Own

We began the day looking for a pharmacy after sitting down for a morning baguette near Place de la Bastille. Not prone to allergies, I seem to have developed one quite handily, complete with itchy, watery eyes, an alto voice deteriorating into a “vilkommen-bienvenue” whisky baritone, and tiring much too easily. Facing a French pharmacist, I use all the vocabulary I can muster to describe my situation. Soon I walk out of the tiny place armed with fizzy versions of aspirins and antihistamines, ready to take on a day of touring that includes the Eiffel Tower and Les Invalides.

No longer having the luxury of my daughter’s “Uber”-ing” privileges, we hoof it to the closest Metro station, forcing me to see firsthand how things have changed since the 1970s. It’s only logical that everything has been computerized by now, but I must admit it changes the flavor or running around with a fistful of yellow tickets. Everything is well marked and train transfers are easy, just as they were long ago. Another thing that has not changed are the Metro musicians; from guitarists to Russian folk ensembles to gypsy clarinetists with their own computer rhythm sections, it is a circus of underground delight.

Les Invalides is a serious study in dead French military heroes displayed in larger-than-life monuments, but we also take the time to tour their military museum, outlining the role the French played throughout history. By the time we have reached World War II, I am beginning to hurry through rooms of displays much more quickly than George, who basks in history and loved analyzing weapons and military devices. This is fine, since my feel are already speaking plain English to me as I sit on benches and permit them to complain before moving on.

In some Metro stations, new glass barriers with their own automatic doors are set up like fences against the Metro tracks and in other older stations, nothing can prevent those who prefer a dramatic ending the privilege of hurling themselves onto an electric track.

The day has been filled with revelations and lessons, so in lieu of tedious paragraphs about the events of the day as well as my impressions to date, I have decided to give you a bullet-point rundown of enlightenments:

–French cafes and restaurants don’t truly compete on price. What you pay for the same cup of coffee can be all over the map depending on how close you are to a tourist attraction. Note to self: if the Eiffel Tower’s loftiest spires are anywhere within view, simply double the bill.

–Never hesitate when someone vacates a seat on the Metro. Flop yourself into it in a New York second or you will be standing with someone’s bosom in your face for ten stops.

–If you didn’t take the time to buy yourself an advance ticket to the Eiffel Tower, fuggetaboutit. The line is so long, you would be committing a kind of Twilight Zone-esque harakiri by thinking you will make it up the structure’s silver arches any time soon. Be satisfied with a few smart phone selfies aimed towards the structure’s belly with your faces stuck in the middle. Works great.

–Weather forecasts for Paris summers are useless. The weather can be sunny at one moment, overcast in another and raining like a cascade of Monet colors on a canvas with the blink of an eye.

–The French equivalent of a firm bed is a granite slab with a duvet cover.
Air conditioning is not common, so get used to open windows wafting the noise of busy cafes as you try to get the theme from “Charade” out of your head as you attempt sleep.

–Anything higher than a slightly chunky heel will have you rolling your ankles on Paris’ Les Mis-style cobblestone streets. If the French invented stiletto heels (from what I hear they were invented by under-tall French despots), they must have been reserved for brooding, lanky beauties on runways or for the Moulin Rouge. Ooo-lala.

–Europeans do not use washcloths. On two separate trips, we have taken our hotel or apartment’s small towels and violated them beyond recognition to create little rags that appreciate soap. Mea culpa.

–You can cook a meal with one hand and throw in a load of clothes with the other in a European kitchen. Clothes and food evidently get the same amount of attention here.

–Elevators are not designed for more than 4-6 people anywhere — in large stores, apartment buildings or airports. Small wonder there are far fewer obese French people. Everyone prefers to take the stairs than wait for the slowest lifts known to mankind.

–Saying “bonjour”, and “merci bien”, mimicking the very best French accent you can muster (while wearing your purse cross-body and making sure there is a little scarf around your neck) gets you everywhere — including fooling everyone into thinking you speak fluent French. It becomes a case of “be-careful-what-you-wish-for.”

More revelations to follow. My feet hurt so my brain needs a rest. Yes — there is a connection.


An Unbelievable Day….

Between George’s desire to get out of Dodge and my dangerous knowledge of French, we figure we were due for an adventure after nearly two weeks of meticulously planned activities, museum visits and city dwelling.

We hop the Metro to St. Lazare Station and buy train tickets to Bayeux on the Normandy coast. Not having planned this side trip before we left home, we had no idea what to expect. Tours seemed sold out when we Googled them in our Paris apartment, but these two Greeks are now determined to find Omaha Beach and the American D-Day cemetery even if we have to line dance our way there..

As the train pulls into the lazy little countryside station (no, George does not fail to make everything he possibly can into a song as he serenades me with a rendition of “Blue Bayeux”…), we notice a few taxis lined up. I ask one of the drivers how much he would charge to take us to the visitor’s center and George and I agree it sounds like a rip-off. So we say a friendly thank you and wander just beyond the train station to a tiny hotel with a huge sign advertising D-Day tours. As we approach the door, a short, stocky, balding, animated man with a tiny moustache emerges. His accent, looks and mannerisms are so authentically Old World French that I have to wonder if he is putting on an act. His name is Jean-Marc and he runs a tiny auberge as well as a touring operation. He names his price for a half-day tour and we are sold. Told we are to come back in about 90 minutes for our tour, we take the time to explore the picturesque town of Bayeux, which looks as charming as it must have been before World War II. Strangely enough, its buildings and homes were not harmed during the war (evidently not strategically important enough) and its magnificent Cathedral de Notre Dame stands still stately and stunning surrounded by tiny shops, homes and eateries.

Back in plenty of time for our tour, we wait to see who else might join us. “You will probably have a private tour,” says Jean-Marc a bit worriedly in his charming nasal accent. “Others say they want to go, but did not pay in advance and they are not back. So if they don’t show up in the next ten minutes it will just be you and your guide, Romain.” I look up to see a 30-something ruggedly handsome young man greeting us and instantly think private is good.


Soon a noisy, outdated van meant to seat nine tourists sees only three of us filling its front bench seat and we’re off, bouncing down a country road that reminds me of every war movie I have ever seen. Romain, who grew up in the area, begins telling fascinating stories as if the entire countryside were his personal backyard and the legends of D-Day were in his DNA. We arrive at the town of Arromanches, where the Brits had built a fleet of temporary docks unlike anything ever done before for a war effort. We see the town’s small museum and watch the 1946 film that documented the operation. The breeze is cool, the sun is warm and the salt sea air fills our nostrils — so welcome after a week in Paris fumes and stuffy Metro cars.

We are again on our way, this time to the American cemetery, memorial and visitors’ center — 70+ acres given to the U.S. in appreciation for its sacrifice of the more than 9,000 men buried there. Images from “Saving Private Ryan” fill my head and despite the crowds gathered around the memorial, a hush comes over the area as the Star Spangled Banner is played in chimes over a loudspeaker. People stop talking. They even stop moving. Tears stream down more faces than just my own as we gaze out over the sea of white crosses and Stars of David. It is difficult to describe the peacefulness of this lofty place, knowing what occurred there some 70 years before.

The visitors’ center is replete not only with films depicting what went on during the landing, but also the display of many individual stories of the men and women who gave their lives to keep Europe free — boys still in their teens who had never been outside their farm communities in Nebraska, and others who simply did what their country asked.

The rest of our day is spent reveling in the detail and dozens of stories Romain relates as he tours us around German long range gun bunkers, shows us bomb craters, drives us by the beach itself and speaks in awe of what went on there. Five hours come and go as Romain deposits us at the train station just minutes before the train back to Paris arrives.

As we slump in our compartment, George and I look at one another in disbelief over our good fortune. The day was entirely unplanned, yet turned out to be one of the most fulfilling days of our trip so far. We agreed the next time we return to France we would be renting a car and driving the countryside instead of hanging around Paris. The most exciting part, however, was that we are already planning to return.

Art, Patience and Coldcuts in Paris

The French know how to present art. Whether it’s the delight we take as we enter their gigantic galleries filled with abundant natural light, the sense of excitement we feel while climbing elegant marble steps leading to expansive “salles” containing impressive collections — or just our involuntary gasps at the way these masterpieces come into view, it’s easy to see why Parisians see their city as well as their art as the center of the universe.

Despite the fact that George and I have individually developed ideas of aesthetics, we agree on our love of the Impressionist era, when crusty upstarts railed against the formality and stuffiness of the upper classes and chose to paint and sculpt the world that lay at their feet. From scenes in restaurants to ballet classes to fields of gold to days at the beach, French life is depicted in all its common-folk glory by the likes of Monet, Renoir, Manet, Sisley, Seurat, Gaugin, Pisarro, LaTour, Van Gogh, Toulouse-Lautrec, Cezanne, Rousseau and others. While European art galleries are filled to the brim with intimidating religious depictions and gargantuan works showing majestic royalty, it is the Impressionists that truly captured the spirit of life here.

Like two kids in a candy shop at the stunningly-arrayed Musee D’Orsay, my life partner and I spend a few extra euro to schlep a device that, with a tap of a number on a small screen, explains the significance of many of the pieces displayed there. Narrators make the pieces come alive as we find ourselves hunting for the next objet d’art with a symbols matching those of our handheld friends.

It’s funny how museums-in-famous-cities visits go. When you get there, you are in disbelief, thinking, “I am here — in Paris — at the Musee D’Orsay and I am standing in front of Vincent Van Gogh’s self portrait. Pinch me.” By three hours into the experience you begin to feel guilty that you are beginning to leave one room to start looking at the next before stopping at every piece of art. Six hours into it and you are so exhausted that you sit on any observation bench you can find, rationalizing that you are seeing the art from afar — the way it was meant to be viewed. Suddenly all you can think about is sitting at a cafe and hoisting a cold beer. All thoughts of seeing another room full of priceless paintings or timeless sculpture become subjugated. We are cheap dates.

We find libations and a hearty meal at a nearby eaterie and as we clink our glasses, we easily get back into the “OMG-I’m-in-Paris” mode because the alcohol has temporarily numbed our throbbing feet. Following a dessert of crepes, bananas, chocolate and Chantilly creme, we lock arms and walk toward the water, where the Seine’s new “berges” have been built along its banks. Here lovers sneak kisses, families take their children to play, and tourists wave from crowded boats to glide by the Eiffel Tower. Along the riverbanks, Parisians built structures and play places for both adults and kids, with lounge chairs, hammocks, short rock-climbing walls, and even dance floors. Soon it is time to hop the Metro back to our apartment, where we fall asleep faster than David Copperfield can make the Eiffel Tower disappear.

The next morning we steel ourselves for an all-day visit to the Louvre, having read online about the horrible crowds and seas of tour buses that empty out like sprinkles on a cake. Fortunately, we are able to find an alternate entrance few others seem to know about (Google helped with this one) and breeze into the place. The Louvre is massive by anyone’s standards, so apart from the wing called “Denon”, which displays the museum’s most famous works of art, even huge crowds can thin out inside its many salons and corridors. By 5 hours into our visit, we give in. We HAVE to see Winged Victory and The Mona Lisa just to say we did. Now the throngs are stifling and no amount of air conditioning can cool us off as we snap photos and try to wheedle past mile-long Asian tour groups whose leaders carry ten foot poles with origami figures flying from the tips. And there she is — behind glass, smiling her stifled smile. Snap. Snap snap. Then you feel the elbow of someone who wants your spot to hold up their smart phone or flash their iPad.

Next thing we know, we are following every ”sortie” sign we can find. The museum is closing in an hour and still people are pouring in. It’s bizarre. At last we find ourselves outside, in front of the Da Vinci Code pyramid. We pay a vendor for a couple of Oranginas and hoof it to the Metro stop, grateful we now know how to get back to our apartment without studying a map and knowing which tunnel leads to the roundabout within steps of our pedestrian alleyway.

After a rest, we wander out to find a small eatery recommended by our landlords, just around the corner. I order a smoked salmon dish and George orders a selection of “charcuterie” — tiny slices of meats and cheeses.


He smiles as he cuts delicate bites to savor and swizzles his Languedoc wine. “You know, I could put together something like this at home that would look pretty much the same. I could buy the cold cuts at Costco and Corti Brothers and the cheeses too. But when I wake up in the morning, I’m not in Paris.”

So true. It’s all about location.

Reflections on Paris: “Bribes de la Conversation”…

I have always loved French expressions. “Faire des bises” refers to the greeting act of French “cheek-brushing” — a kind of air-kissing first done to the left, then to the right and sometimes to the left once again. But the phrase I love most is “bribes de la conversation” — an expression that refers to snippets of unfinished and sometimes unrelated things you hear people say in the course of a day.

That is how I think of this short week in Paris. Phrases and words I’ve heard here became flashbacks — to a time I when was 20 years old and spent three months here as part of a French language summer abroad study program with my university. In our group of a dozen or so students, I was, perhaps, an enigma. I had already spent a college year in Europe in Athens, Greece just 12 months before, so being back in Europe for another summer almost seemed like an extension of my earlier experiences. For that reason, I took things for granted and came to regret it — things like forgetting to snap photos of famous places, failing to solidify my relationships with other students with whom I might have stayed lifelong friends, and being the tag-along instead of the self-starter when it came to getting to know the City of Lights.

Being here 40 years later cements old feelings regarding this magnificent city, but also stirs emotion in me I was not prepared to feel. You see, Paris isn’t just a city. It’s a microcosm of experiences, sights, and people that represent an entire world of ethnic identities, art, music, and intellectual thought. Paris is a constant experiment; a place where people are just as concerned with observing others as being observed, illustrated by the number of cafes whose tables are accompanied by chairs that face perennially forward on city sidewalks. The French are talking all around you, having long, drawn-out discussions about all manner of topics, whether on a metro train or at a small cafe. They spend time psycho-analyzing experiences, relationships and even talk history. Life, to the French, is one long conversation comprised of a series of snippets. Punctuate this with young lovers stealing kisses along the “berges”, groups of small school children holding hands like a string of goslings following their teacher along a Paris sidewalk, an old woman with a sack of baguettes slung over her shoulder or the face of a crusty laborer sitting at a cafe for hours talking with his cronies, his face etched with tobacco creases belying happier times.

This morning as George and I sat at a small cafe breathing in the last of our Paris experience, I thought about how it turned out to be a perfect day for saying goodbye to this city that stole my heart so long ago. Being Sunday, our little neighborhood in the Marais/Bastille area looked different from an entire week of days before. Shops were closed, small cafes were open and at first, all we saw were older people walking by. This was in stark contrast to having felt as if no one under age 35 even lived in this city as we crowded into metro cars and walked down Parisian avenues.

I remarked that the younger generation was no doubt sleeping off Saturday night revelry, but I think it was more than that. I think Paris finally takes a breath on Sunday mornings. Noise dies down. Cars stay parked. People walk more slowly. The morning sun glints off old buildings while each floor-to-ceiling window with its wrought iron balcony-like barriers boasts curtains flung open to bring in the day. Old men with hats and baggy pants walk by as we sip our cafe cremes, contrasted only by an occasional family of well-dressed people heading toward a nearby church for morning mass.

While we made sure to see the basics — museums and places one is thought to be remiss if not seen on a trip here — we realize now that we will not be the same people when we return to Paris. We will have a different agenda stemming from the watershed feelings we experienced on this trip, just as I did from having visited some three decades ago. Our most memorable moments were those that were unplanned — walking along the Seine and reclining on a quay like lovers in our 20s, getting on a train bound for Normandy coast with no idea of how we would see a place George wanted to see his entire life, and finally, my looking down from our tiny apartment through its huge window at the sight below me in the pedestrian alleyway. There, my husband sits in a chair having a cigar, animatedly talking with a shop owner as if they were old friends. Laughter wafts up to me, along with cigar fumes and the idea that people, no matter where you go in the world, are all looking for connections. We delight in fleeting but meaningful glances, we get a thrill out of a conversation with a stranger. In the end, Paris is a state of mind, much like New York. And I will forever value its snippets of conversation, its craziness, its color, and its people.

It’s a Wrap: Londontown and Steps Toward a Lovely Reality

Today is our last day is Europe, the past five days having been spent in the lovely Notting Hill neighborhood in London. Tomorrow we begin subjecting ourselves to a grueling trip home with an ungodly layover, placing us back at SFO so late we are already exhausted just thinking about it.

The sequence of European cities we have visited over the past three weeks have sent us down a memorable path. From balmy, tropical Barcelona, with its Gaudi-esque charm and streets you simply want to get lost in, to Paris with its personal memories, beautiful language, huge roundabouts and statues, and then on to London, where George and I felt we needed at least a day to shift gears to an English-speaking country.

London is, of course, the most American-feeling of the three cities, since we need not refer to a phrase book to communicate. The hustle-bustle offers shades of New York infused in its downtown corridors, and the shopping looks just as world class. But the thing that strikes us most here is how intensely diverse this city appears to us. Of every 20 people we encounter on the Tube or walking down a street, looks-wise 15 seem to come from elsewhere. Accents and languages we hear range from exotic countries in Africa to Asia, to hijab-dressed Muslim women, with a definite dearth of the expected fair-skinned, freckled Brits to be found. It’s even more surprising when you ask a question of someone who clearly looks foreign and a perfect British accent spews forth. It makes us realize that many of the people we encounter may have been here for generations. Then again, I suppose that’s how Brooklyn-accented children of Greek or Italian descent may have appeared to New Yorkers a few generations back, so turnabout is certainly fair play.

References to royalty are everywhere. It’s plain to see that maintenance of the country’s monarchical tradition is one of its biggest points of pride, even if they do poke fun at it on the “telly.” What occurred to George and I, who love to imitate British accents back home (George is a die-hard Monty Python fan and several times I clearly heard him softly crying “bring out your dead!”) is that it’s just NOT fun to try to sound like a Brit when you’re a visitor here. Unlike my intense effort to speak French when I was in Paris and Greek when I go to Greece, speaking “British” should not be attempted unless one plans to become a resident. Even then, you’d feel like a big phony and you’d be sure to give yourself away by the expressions you use even if your accent were flawless. By the way, no one knows what cilantro is here. We had to ask each waiter if there was any dastardly coriander present in the food.







We are clueless as to how much the average Londoner gets paid in wages for various jobs. But when our landlord assures us that a restaurant she recommends as “reasonable” at 46 pounds (about $78) for a single meal, we know we’re not in Kansas any more. Our contemporary little AirBnb flat, therefore, has served us well with its well-equipped IKEA-like kitchen. Instead of eating breakfast or lunch out, George took to shopping at the local “Tesco” for eggs, bread, juice, milk and treats so the sting was taken out of our expense outlay for the five days we have been here. This has freed up our pounds (monetary ones, unfortunately not physical) to spend on the average tourist attraction that costs around to $40-50 USD each (no E-ticket rides anywhere to be seen, but the lines — oh, excuse me — queues — are just as long).

As spoiled-American as it sounds, we are eager to get back to our air conditioned home, our premium cable TV channels, our relative humidity-less heat, our kitchen island, and most of all to our bed, which conforms to our aging bodies in fine fashion (unlike the cardboard slabs Europeans pass off as “somewhat firm” and pillows that are suited more for sofa armrests than those delivering us into the arms of Morpheus….)

We have thoroughly enjoyed our time on the “continent” and I hope you have found some virtual fun by stowing away in our luggage as I posted blogs about our experiences here. In my dreams I picture some travel magazine finding my diatribes on my obscure web site (yes, I will be reposting these there), suddenly contacting me saying how badly they need me to professionally blog for them and sending me all-expenses-paid to exotic places for the rest of my blogging days.

In the meantime, I’ll take home anytime.

Copping Out Using LinkedIn’s ‘Endorsement’ Prompts

Last year sometime, I wrote a blog for Forbes regarding LinkedIn’s “new” phenomenon of endorsing someone’s skills by clicking off some boxes in a series of prompts the social media site displays at the top of their page. It asks questions like, “Does Sally Smith know about sales?” and so on, covering all the keyword skills Sally Smith typed in to represent herself, popping up ad nauseam among others they expect you to agree with. Even the nature of these questions are so g-d elementary, you’d think a third grader had made them up. And over the past year and a half, members of LinkedIn have gone crazy checking off just about every box for every connection they had, possibly hoping (1) the favor would be returned and/or (2) seeing a thumbnail of their photo representing their endorsement actually meant something to others looking at that person’s profile.


This lame endorsement feature means little to nothing in my humble opinion and ends up being a bit of a scam. Why? Because people I have never met nor ever done business with began clicking away, “endorsing” me in this manner. How do they know I am skilled at writing press releases if they have never seen one I crafted? Why do they assume I am great at telling stories if they’ve never read a single blog I’ve written? In fact, it would seem that endorsing skills willy-nilly for people you’ve never worked with before on LinkedIn only de-values the endorsements of the people who actually have experienced your skills and talents.

While I don’t wish to insult those people who sincerely clicked these boxes meaningfully (in others words, they actually know me by my work), I maintain this addition by LinkedIn is a total and undeniable COP OUT — a lazy person’s way of recommending your work. What ever happened to the simple little message sent to your selected, qualified connections that asks that they actually say something about you?

Some time back I sent a message to dozens of my connections, changing the boilerplate message LinkedIn offers to “If you have a moment, I would very much appreciate your saying something about your experience working with me.” And guess what? I got a flood of 15+ well thought out, articulate recommendations sent by some of my most valued clients, all happy to write a few lines about me. Some of the people I asked me to write up something they could post about me, but I graciously turned those folks down, because I know they know how to speak and write English fairly well and certainly did not want to put words in their mouths.

My point is this: don’t ever undervalue the written word when it comes to recommending a business associate. Writing a recommendation for someone on LinkedIn is as close as many of us will ever come to creating a letter of recommendation for those we value in our business network. And believe it or not, people value a written opinion much more than a clicked box accompanied by a thumbnail photo among dozens of others at the bottom of a profile.

Okay, that’s my rant for now. When I think of more, I’ll let you know. Then when you click off “skilled at op-ed journalism” on my LinkedIn profile I’ll know you were paying attention.

Meeting Business Associates Up Close and Personal: What You See is What You DON’T Get Any Other Way


Okay, I’ll admit it; I am by nature a storyteller. Having lived a lifetime with a jokester for a father, a romantic for a mother, travel as a hobby and writing as a passion, I suppose this should not come as a surprise.

So when I extricate my introverted self from behind a desk, clean up a bit and actually MEET people one-on-one as a result of the business networking group I belong to, there is always a reward. Leaving home for these special occasions, I never know what to expect. Sometimes I walk away with a tidbit of wisdom, other times it’s a genuinely good feeling, and at other meetings it’s about having learned the tale of someone’s life.

I still occasionally try to size up the reason for accepting a meeting when I am asked: is this person going to try to sell me something?; is he or she going to pick my brain for information and then never use me for a freelance job? You can see how my creative little mind over-thinks things and I can’t deny that both of those scenarios have happened from time to time.


Most of the time, however, these meetings are golden. A person I may have interacted with on Facebook or LinkedIn becomes much more than a series of comments, likes and photos. Someone I may have met briefly at a business mixer shows me a side to his or her personality I may have not been privy to in such a short snippet of time. And there are others I may have even misjudged at first glance, walking away from an in-face meeting with an entirely new appreciation for who that person is.


Whatever I get from these meetings causes me some kind of paradigm shift that is difficult for even me to put into words. All I can say is that time like this is well spent. So my advice is this to all of you who, like me, unwittingly use social media as a substitute for the up-close meet and greet — get out there and just do it. Give people more than merely the sides to yourself you portray on Facebook. Offer them an opportunity to identify with your charming faults as well as hear the back story of who you are. Then listen to theirs. It’s called engaging in life. And it feels pretty damned good.

Late (somewhat meaningless) discoveries in life


They say it’s never too late to learn something new. Some things come to you in a silly millisecond and those discoveries make you wonder what else you may be have been missing out on during the decades you’ve walked the earth. Add to that the notion that everyone else may have figured it all out long before you did and the feeling is often bittersweet. Still, I prefer to think of these watershed “Denaism” moments as fun discoveries.

Lest I sound cryptic, let me provide more clarity:

• All my life I have squirreled a hanger under many a short-sleeved or sleeveless short or blouse, poking the hanger part through the top, as is normal. Just a few years ago, I discovered that putting the side (bent) part of the hanger through an armhole gets the job done in ¼ the time. Embarrassing. By the way, it is rare that you find a hanger manufacturer that offers strap-niches and rubber shoulder-nubbies all on one hanging device. When you do – collect them in hordes.


• Breakfast nooks are overrated. Kitchen islands with seating are more practical, provide more countertop space and when entertaining, offer guests a place to hang out. Using up your breakfast nook space by expanding your kitchen is just the practical thing to do.


• Don’t let your contractor talk you out of even a narrow broom closet in your kitchen. They’re still worth their weight in gold. Ours was created because our contractor mis-measured the cabinet space. The extra room became a narrow but useful place for a stepladder, broom and dustpan.

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• Piling things on steps you intend to take upstairs does not get them up there any faster.


• Rearranging furniture once in awhile makes it feel as if you’ve just moved into a new home. In the process, it also forces you to clean up those convenient little “piles” of things in corners.

• “Weeding” out your closet of the clothes you haven’t touched for at least three years frees up space in your closet. Oh. And it makes you want to buy more clothes.

• You can never park your car in exactly the same spot in your garage twice. Muscle memory seems to fail at these times.

• A formal living room is a great place to read, getting you out of your routine surroundings. It also makes reading a good book feel downright elegant.

• Towel bars just for show in bathrooms are terribly overrated. They’re towels, for cryin’ out loud – not priceless paintings. We were all taken in by homebuilders who displayed towels tied with “chotchkies” in model homes – but if you take down the bars and put towels in cabinets or on hooks instead, you can hang REAL artwork in your bathroom (or even put up shelving with more chotchkies…). The view from the throne, by the way, is much nicer.


• Separate, dedicated spaces for both you and your spouse: a marriage saver, especially as you grow older together. Fight the need to reserve a bedroom for your adult children to return home to when they visit (I love that IKEA commercial) just to help them remember their childhoods fondly. Instead, take a picture of how the room used to look, frame it, and offer it to them instead. Then demolish the closet and make an office, hobby room or man cave out of the space. It’s your home.

• Setting up arbitrary dates way ahead of time to entertain people forces you to clean and de-clutter, do projects you’ve been putting off and gives you something to look forward to. So pick up that phone and make those calls more often than you currently do, then plan way ahead on your Outlook or iCalendar. It’s fun to have people in your home, it creates memories, it shows others you care, and it might also result in your being entertained someday as well. Novel concept.


As I discover more (or think of more) Denaisms I will surely report them to you as they surface. And if you had already figured out everything that to me were eureka moments, I salute you. You just discovered what a slow learner I really am.

Muncie Revisited: Family Day Drive-Around

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To those of you who have been following both my Lost Muncie Facebook posts and read my Saturday blog post, I offer my sincere thanks for being on this journey with me. Your comments (apart from a few that skewed political for no good reason) have been heartfelt, thoughtful and extremely appreciated.

It had always been planned that I would reserve my second day in Muncie for my first cousin, Georgia (Mentis) Buckmaster and her family. When I left Muncie, her first child had just been born, so you can imagine my delight in meeting her other two now-grown children as well as a few of their children as well, many of whom had been friends on Facebook with me for several years.

In preparing my cousin for my visit, I mentioned that a number of you had asked if I had seen other parts of Muncie apart from the downtown and the BSU campus. So she agreed to drive me around to see a few more meaningful sights during the day before settling in at her house to bring out the old family photo albums and reminisce about our parents, childhoods and families.

Our first drive was to the Minnetrista Cultural Center, a gleaming modern landmark Muncie citizens proudly refer to as one of the latest fine additions to their city. The Center is a museum containing exhibits and offering programs that focus on nature, local history, gardens and art. Its 40 acres include changing exhibits, the historic home called Oakhurst, many themed gardens, outdoor sculptures and a portion of the White River Greenway, while the museum’s collections focus on East Central Indiana local cultural history. Its lush grounds and gardens serve as a respite for local residents and its contemporary interior lends a peaceful backdrop for locals and visitors to learn about Muncie’s ancient past all the way to its modern times.

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As this charmed weekend turned out, we happened onto both a garden fair as well as free admission to the museum, and it was fun as my cousin excitedly showed the displays of miniature mansions, old Indian settlements and photos of some of Muncie’s earlydays. One of the most interesting things I saw, however, was a giant bottling (jarring?) machine once used in the Ball factories of long ago.

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Next was a drive down Minnetrista’s “mansion row” — where each Ball family home can now be seen in slow motion down a beautifully landscaped and designed single-lane road. The homes, most of which are now used for meetings, foundations and offices, were diverse in their architecture.

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Checking our smartphone clocks, we discovered it was time to head downtown to our scheduled lunch with Georgia’s family, to be held at the Barn Brasserie on W. Charles St. in precisely the location my father’s piano store used to occupy. There waiting for us were my other cousins to whom I offered cousinly hugs and remarked on how long we had already been friends on Facebook. I will admit, however — eating an omelette in same place I used to hear pianos being tuned during my high school lunch hours was a bit surreal…

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As we walked out of the restaurant after a very satisfying brunch, we delighted our waitress with the tale of the “provenance” of the building she now worked in, now one of Muncie’s historical landmarks and once owned by a family of Greek immigrants.

Before meeting back at my cousin’s house, she offered me one more drive, this one to my old homes and schools. I accepted eagerly. Muncie Central’s old building across the street from my grandfather’s building, was demolished shortly after my graduation in favor of a new, huge structure not far away. I had never entered the newer building, but through the followers of Lost Muncie, had heard that it became the only high school (aside from Burris, which is connected to BSU as a laboratory school) to survive the cut when closures began to happen. I sympathize with those of you reading this who have lost their high school alma mater. And while the purple and white will remain and the famed Field House still stands, I salute those Muncie graduates and their sports teams who will forever be a part of the fabric of Muncie’s past.


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A drive by my old homes, both in Muncie’s western reaches, were the final stops on our trek. Our Brook Drive home was being constructed before we had even left California and was a ranch-style limestone home with a side-loading garage. It was there my brothers and I crudely erected our first-ever snowman and experienced frozen feet and blue noses. Our second home, sold in the mid ’70s when my parents decided they wanted to be near their kids in California, was a contemporary home we adored, with a see-through fireplace from one living area to another, open-beamed ceilings and blue and green slate floors. The home’s architecture and design was so out-of-sync with what most Muncie residents found appealing that it had sat empty for several years after it was built, but for us it was perfect. My cousin shrieked with delight as I exited our parked car and went to the front door to ring the doorbell to see if the current occupants might let me peek inside. Unfortunately, no one was home.

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My final few hours in Muncie were spent with my cousins, poring through old family photos and digging into folders Georgia had saved from her father’s times in World War II. One of my favorite pieces of memorabilia was her father’s list of Morse Code instructions:

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The moment that made my day, however, was when my cousin produced an old newspaper article that she had placed in a large plastic protector envelope. It was the original clipping containing a Muncie Evening Press interview of my father who, at age 19 in 1938, had returned from his first trip to Europe. In it, he recounted how everyone he met was worried about war coming to their shores. My father had been able to see his grandparents on that trip and even took home movies of them in their village vineyard with what must have been one of the first portable movie cameras known to man. He also described in detail in the article what it was like to meet his relatives in Greece for the first time and see the place where two of his brothers were born. I cannot describe how my heart pounded as I held this piece of memorabilia and can hardly wait to return home to show it to my two older brothers.

So what have I learned from this blogging adventure that now serves as a chronicle of my trip back to my old home town? I learned, for one, that you can never really go home again; at least things will never be the way they were when you left there. People leave and others arrive to direct life along a different path. Buildings get demolished and others rise not to replace them but to guide a town to its future. I found Muncie to be both a sweetly beautiful and sometimes, with some of its abandoned structures and homes in disrepair, bittersweet statement on life in Indiana — not an uncommon phenomenon all over the country over the past ten years or so. To me, however, its shining glory is Muncie’s stunning college campus, where the new and the fresh mingles with the old and the stately. Feeling the cool green grass under my toes as I strolled down the lawn at the regal Arts Building is something I will never forget.

My memories of the 12 years I spent in a place called Muncie will forever be a part of me. To all of you who have a place like this in your past — a place that holds both good and conflicting memories — I urge you to someday pay it a visit once again. It will put to rest your misconceptions and make you realize that everything you have done and everywhere you have ever lived is part of what makes you who you are.

Again — thanks for reading.

Muncie Revisited: A Journey Through New Eyes

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I had been warned. Since having joined the 11,000+ followers on Facebook’s “Lost Muncie” page, dozens of people had prepared me for what I was about to see when I arrived there today. They had described much through their comments and posts, lamenting all the changes the town of Muncie had been through since I left there in 1973. Visual historian and Muncie resident Jeff Koenker is owed a huge debt of gratitude for make this amazing forum possible for everyone to share.

What I found as my friend and fellow college coed Kay Prange and I drove into town, however, was not what I expected.

My frame of reference for Muncie is one I had thought about long before I booked this special visit. Now in my 60s, I have the luxury of putting things into perspective over a much longer period of time than ever before. I knew Muncie had lost much of its industry. I knew Muncie was experiencing the pains of what much of the Midwest and other parts of the country were going through — including how a regional mall robbed its thriving downtown of life. But as we drove past budding cornfields and entered Muncie from the south, what I saw surprised me.

The town was clean, gleaming in the bright June sunlight. Everything was exceedingly green and the sleepy Saturday serenity of small town life began to fill my senses as we entered downtown, where we were about to be met by Lost Muncie acquaintances and lifetime residents Cindy Norrick Turner and her husband Jeff, who had graciously offered to act as chauffeur for an entire day. Cindy, after having worked as a student in the campus library, had made a career at BSU and still works on campus. And while she was in my age range, I knew by our communications that she was intimately familiar with everything both old and new at Ball State, making her an excellent choice for this task.

The first downtown street we drove down before meeting our hosts at the lively (even on a Saturday) “Caffeinery” was W. Charles Street, a street where my immigrant grandfather once owned a chunk of the block and where his three sons owned businesses. Tears filled my eyes as I recalled growing up and hanging out there past the age of nine, when my dad had moved us from northern California to a place where he could open his beloved piano store and, along with my angelic little mom, raise their three children who had only seen Muncie on cross-country vacations each summer. I recalled my Popou’s (grandfather’s) white shock of hair and how he would sit on the wooden cover of an old steam heater in the window of my uncle George’s dry cleaner/hat shop (now an Edward Jones Investments office), cane in hand. People would greet him as “Pop” when they entered. He would speak to them in his gravelly voice with a heavy Greek accent, but made his good wishes known to all as they picked up there freshly dry cleaned suits and dresses.

After saying hello to the newer owners of Normandy Florists (once run by my Uncle Nick) and a peek inside The Barn Brasserie, once known as my dad’s “Keyboard Shoppe”, my heart stopped as I peered through a door up a set of steps between the stores that led to my grandparents’ old flat. A sign on the door said “for rent” and while everything else on that part of the block was different than what I remembered, NOTHING in that one small scene had changed since I left. The walls were still the roughly textured surface that used to hurt my hands as I touched them when bounding down those steps as a child, and two squeaky wooden doors remained halfway up the stairs, just as they always had. It was as if time has stood still.


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Soon it was time to meet our hosts, and after a lively round of introductions all around, we climbed into the Turners’ SUV and began to slowly drive around the downtown. Muncie Central had long disappeared, but the bank across the street from our store looked the same. JC Penney, which sported Muncie’s only set of escalators, was no longer there in name, but the building remained in another capacity. And my beloved Ball Stores was gone, but the stately old post office building gleamed from a recent sandblasting, making it look nearly new. Walnut Street boasted classy eateries and jewelry stores still displayed their wares, made serious only by the law offices that peppered the streetscape.

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After having lived in the land of freeways, coastline and palm trees for so long, I had forgotten how CLOSE everything was in Muncie. Downtown is 5 minutes’ driving time from the campus. I used to WALK from my house on the west end of town through some stunning neighborhoods and past Christy Woods.

No matter which part of Muncie we passed through, nothing was more than ten minutes away from the heart of town or the campus, which had grown in size, beauty and majesty since I left. New buildings graced older ones, lush landscaping had been added outside dormitories and classroom-filled buildings, a newer, expanded stadium facility echoed the sounds of football games and homecoming activities, and Greek letters still boasted fraternity houses along University Avenue. A stunning new bell tower interrupted the skyline and as I listened to the bells chime. Their echoes served to remind me of a time 40 years ago, when I wandered a busy campus of disconnected buildings with excruciatingly long pathways that now looked clean, purposeful and perfectly designed.

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And then I saw it. The Arts Building, where I had attended so many classes, stood like a beacon in time, its towering trees and huge fields of green looking even more beautiful than I had remembered them. My friend and I removed our shoes and began walking through the cool grasses as if we were in our 20s again. In the distance, a summer school student reclined on the grass not far from the building’s entrance taking in the afternoon sun, just as so many of us had done decades before.

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My classmate’s epiphany came when we passed LaFollette Hall, where she lived for a while at BSU. When Kay saw it, she gave a shriek of delight and walked toward its entrance hoping to find an open door and walk down its old hallways. Doors were locked for the summer, however. I felt her delight as she gazed up to the dormitory windows, reliving her youth, but saw her face go crestfallen when she reminded me that the building would soon be torn down and replaced with a newer version.

By mid-afternoon, hunger hit us and soon we found ourselves in the “Village” where I had long ago frequented my favorite now-departed clothing store, The Collegienne Shoppe. Construction was going on everywhere, and shops with luxury student housing being built over them are now poised to replace many of the older, more quaint buildings many Muncie residents already miss. Kay and I nearly screamed when we discovered an old 2-story building nearby that once housed a hippie-era head shop named “The Kaleidoscope.” Beneath it, steps led down to “The Chug”, it’s facade looking just as raunchy as it did in the old days. Jeff remarked over how much beer and its digestive aftermath must now grace the bar’s floor after all these years, making the rest of us laugh out loud as young passers-by looked at us as if we were in full dementia.

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We sat for a while at Scotty’s Restaurant and Bar, obviously the oldest patrons there. And as we ate our low-cal chicken wraps, we poured out our life stories of jobs and grown children. Before we left the village, however, we walked across the street to the T.I.S. College Book Store, where I was tempted to buy a “Ball U” t-shirt. Feeling that saying might look better on a younger specimen, however, I opted for a more tasteful pullover sweatshirt with a BSU logo to wear over my yoga pants.

We then drove through the neighborhood of Westwood, where we took photos of stunning French Tudors, stately English mini-mansions and even an art deco house that had been returned to its full glory.

Next was a slow drive down White River Blvd. where a newly refurbished and expanded Tuhey Pool was teeming with swimmers. It was a place I had long ago enjoyed summer dips with my brothers during visits from the west coast, so seeing it in its new glory was a delight for the eyes.

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Across the street was a majestic bend in the White River, where kayakers and canoe aficionados paddled in the lazy summer sun. The river banks were now enhanced with walkways designed and installed by BSU students, offering Muncie residents a lovely promenade and bikepath-with-a-view.

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By 4 pm, our emotions had crested and ebbed like waves in an ocean, and we decided we had taken in all we could for the day. We thanked our gracious hosts and repeated our delight in having spent a fascinating adventure with them as we witnessed both the nostalgically old and excitingly new charms of Muncie during our visit. But before we parted company, I asked my tour mates about their take on Muncie’s past and present.

Cindy Turner was frank in her comments when speaking about the relationship some Muncie residents have with its newer downtown persona and its constantly expanding college campus. “I would say that what has happened in Muncie is typical of the times, even though things here happened on a smaller scale over a long period. Like any other town this size, we got a mall and the downtown suffered. In recent years, there has been a resurgence toward downtown as an entertainment locale. But there are still issues between ‘town and gown.'” she says, looking at me in the back seat of the car. “The fact remains, however, that opportunities exist here for everyone to enjoy what Muncie now offers. That old saying about ‘leading a horse to water but not being able to make him drink’ rings true for a number of Muncie residents who have not afforded themselves a trip to the downtown area or even walked the college campus. There are still people here who think downtown isn’t safe, or the college campus is only for the educated or elite but it’s simply not the case. This is OUR town — every square mile of it. It’s time to get over the misconceptions so many people have about Muncie and see it for what it is — a thriving, beautiful community with a wealth of resources. Not to enjoy all of it is truly a travesty.”

And my friend Kay waxed nostalgic seeing her college campus after not having visited for 40 years. “I was surprised that I had the sense that I was back home again and realized how connected to the campus during my college years,” she admitted. “But today I also felt I was somewhere I hadn’t been before. So it was a mixed bag of emotions and when I think about it, it’s all both good and surprising at the same time!”

My take?

No. Muncie does not look the same. But in all honesty, I didn’t expect it to. A town that has gone through so many changes since I left in 1973 and had experienced an industrial swan song had also budded a new persona — one of beauty, hope and plans for its future, both downtown and on its gem of a college campus. And now that I have seen it I realize how my youthful zest to get the hell out of Dodge may have been hasty after all. This little ‘ol town still has a lot to offer.

Fireball and a Benson & Hedges

“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.”
― Benjamin Franklin

“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
― Frank Sinatra

Okay, I am not much of a drinker. My chick friends always have a laugh when I ask if they’d like to meet for a “big girl” drink instead of chatting over a Starbuck’s grande nonfat latte, but that invitation happens rarely and is for effect only. On the forms at a doctor’s office, that question about how much alcohol I consume is answered as “occasional drinker.” But as I write this, I have a cheap drink on board – a fully iced glass of cinnamon whisky. And I smoked TWO cigarettes. In the sun. In my backyard. Our little dog has no idea what has come over me while my husband takes a much-needed nap inside our air-conditioned house.


So what is it? The desire to numb myself? Nope. The desire to feel just a teeny bit off-balance and bodacious? Perhaps. The desire to recapture my youth, most of which was terribly sheltered, while reminiscing about the parts that made me feel as if I had broken free of the love/hate relationship I had with guilt? Maybe just a bit.

The answer, however, is one of celebration. I think anyone who knows me can tell you that I am a 62-year-old chick with an attitude. Of course, by the time you turn 62, you really don’t give a crap about what other people think. And if you do, there is something terribly wrong with your sense of time in the big scheme of things.

“Scheme.” That’s a Greek word, you know. Oh. Sorry. Free associative thinking happening there…

After all, how many years do we have left once we are in our 60s? 20, 30, 35 years? That is only, perhaps, another 1/3 tacked onto a 60+-year-old life. But just think. How important were those FIRST 30 years? In my mind, they were monumental. In other words, I have an entire LIFETIME (yes, I capped that) to live.

Perhaps that’s why I am celebrating. I still have time. I have time to travel, I have time to lose those 30 lbs. that drive me distraction as my husband gives up bread for three days and loses 8 lbs. by just breathing. I have time to enjoy watching my daughter’s amazing life unfold. And I have time to enjoy the company of someone I discovered had been there all along, just waiting for me to be free of constraints; a man who shares my every moment whether it’s near or from afar but happens to have become my (legal) partner in life. I have to keep reminding myself that we are not living in sin, because being with him is so much fun.

Yes. Life is good. My pack of Benson & Hedges reminds me of my college days. I have owned this pack of cigarettes for about eight months now and it still looks full. But B&H cancer sticks were my puffs of choice in college. One drag takes me back to the days I spent in Athens, Greece, as a student at an American college. I was blissfully out of the watchful eye of my Big Fat Greek Wedding parents, dangling a cigarette in one hand and a drink in another as I danced and partied with strange men in a foreign country. The alcohol? I am a cheap date (2 drinks is Valhalla), but the feeling it gives me – especially in the lovely spring sunshine of my backyard – is liberating and nostalgic with a little bit of horny thrown in just to make the experience interesting. (Oh gawd. Is my daughter reading this? I think I hear her puking…)

I am what I would call a holdout. I still get up every morning and put on some makeup, even though I work from home doing freelance writing. I still wear good-sized heels under my jeans, to the amusement of almost every woman-in-my-age-range I know. And I still look in the mirror and think of ways to dress edgily but cleverly enough that people don’t notice the middle-age waist, my sun-ripened skin, or the wrinkles in my neck. After all, no one described what your 60s would feel like, so I guess I am making up what it looks like as I go along.

My message in all this is to enjoy those small moments as you reach your 50s, your 60s, or even your 70s; those moments you realize you weren’t really a sucky parent and if you weren’t a parent, you probably enjoyed some fine times in life anyway; those moments you realize you may have brought joy or even enlightenment into someone else’s life; those moments when you feel fully charged with the knowledge that each day is indeed a gift. And if a drink and a cigarette once in a blue moon can enhance that thought process, what the hell? You can always take three steps back and punt.

There is always time.